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City Observations, Presented For Effortless Mental Digestion

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A friendly-looking memo board at NPR. They should try jogging in Vegas! See below. (Photo: Ted Eytan, 2013.)

A friendly-looking memo board at NPR. They should try jogging in Vegas! See below. (Photo: Ted Eytan, 2013.)

The following are observations compiled over the last few days in the city I am seriously crushing on. It’s gettin’ hot in here. My observations are itemized for maximum efficiency and ease of cognition. Who needs complex, delicately woven narrative? Also, sleep.

  • From Monday morning to Friday evening, downtown Washington, D.C. is populated by men and women in inky black coats.
  • The “Walk” “Don’t Walk” traffic lights in Washington D.C. give you a digital countdown to the signal change — and they give you a luxurious amount of time to cross the street. Most of the timers here start around 45 seconds, so you feel like, “Why, I certainly don’t need to run to cross the street! I have 39 seconds!”
  • Clean trains.
  • So many joggers. If the Library of Congress could put on a pair of Under Armor leggings, that thing would be up at 5am for three laps around the Potomac.
  • I have now walked past the CNN building and the NPR building in the evening. The CNN building is exactly what you’d expect: a vaguely foreboding office building. But the NPR building is lit up like a blinkin’ Vegas casino. It’s all neon and cotton candy floodlights. I am confused.
  • You can get drugs on H St. and 7th St. I know because I was walking there and a dude asked me if I wanted to buy drugs. You can probably get all kinds, but I don’t know for sure.
  • Many, many churches, most of them beautiful and on historical registries. Number of churches inside D.C. proper: just shy of 600.

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